You have questions, we have occasional
answers, some of which might actually
be based in fact...
Frequently Asked Questions*
Keep an eye on this page and you'll learn more about IUMHBE.
*While we have intentions resembling the best, we reserve the right to withold facts, in whole or in part, especially when those facts might lead to an inconvenient truth. When facts are misleading you can expect full disclosure. Don't worry, once we achieve world domination, we will set up a real utopia and then you won't even care about the truth anymore. -- Drackmire Pelleg, (IUMHBE accountant and left-hand-man [E])
Q1 - How can I become a union member?
It's easy! Just click on the "Join" tab, above, or CLICK HERE!
How many people are you hoping to sign up?
Our goal is to sign up every last hardworking minion and henchperson - worldwide. By our count, there are more than 2.7 million of you brave, selfless souls. Your membership will help create a strong organization - a force to be reckoned with!
What happens to my IUMHBE membership dues?
For the most part, your money goes toward paperclips, printer toner, scotch tape and web hosting. What we don't spend on keeping this organization up and running, we squander on expensive cars, helicopters and World of Warcraft.
Minions / Henchpeople: What's the difference?
For those of you new to the World Domination Industry, Minions are responsible for the day-to-day operations of a lair, including arms repair, physical plant repair, light bulb maintenance, aquatic retrofitting and cooking. Minions are the backbone of every operation. We get the job done! Henchpeople provide lair security, island policing, receptionist duties and enforcement of certain contractual agreements - often to the midsection. For any job requiring the enforcement of rules, Henchpeople are the men, women and mutants who keep things in line.
How can I am evil or benevolent?
Let's face it - only you know you. You know if you like kittens and kids and not Kraft products and killing. You may not want to admit it, but you are the only one who can answer such a question. If you're still not sure, you'll know you have the potential of being evil if you can answer "yes" to any of these questions:
- Do you enjoy pulling the wings off of flies?
- Have you ever cheered for Michigan State?
- Do you root for the bad guys in James Bond films?
- Ever shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die?
How can I tell if my organization's evil or good?
It's not always apparent on what side an organization actually is. Some organizations are basically evil but pretending to be good until the time is right (see Exxon and Enron) . Likewise, other organizations pretend to be evil but, in reality, have a goodness agenda (Hells Angels and Tabasco). Alas, there are no simple tests for levels of benevolence or badness. This is one of those times you'll have to pick your sides, read up on who you're working with and hope for the best...
How can I help my neighbor?
There are many ways to help those around you. Pay the toll for the car behind you, help someone move, recycle, hold the door for an elderly person, pick up some trash off the sidewalk, pay your IUMHBE dues on time...
Are there "good" overlords?
Absolutely! There are almost as many overlords fighting to save the planet as there are overlords looking to expedite its demise. A recent survey of Benevolent IUMHBE members shows that more than 85% of "good" overlords have an excellent dental plan.
How can I kill my neighbor?
IUMHBE members all agree that killing your neighbor can be a pretty bad idea. Proximity to the deceased increases your chances of getting caught. Plus, increasing the honicide rate in your neighborhood can negatively affect your home's resale value.
I forgot my girlfriend's birthday, what should I do?
We recommend that you address this immediately. Call her as soon as you realize that you've been an idiot. Take her out to dinner and make sure that whatever gift you get her is something that she really wants - start listening to her.