News & Entertainment
See our new Lair Page, with photos of real, operating lairs - Goto Lairs
US Army Laser Cannon not ready until 2017 (we have one now!) - More
Read our new advice column featuring Dr. Zork - Read More
Space station for sale - just $2M for your new lair! - Read More
Good news for Overlords: Tractor Beams are Possible - Read More
New on IUMHBE TV: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog - See it!
Tell Me More About The IUMHBE!
Sure, there are many unions out there, but none of them truly address the needs of today's minions and henchpeople.
The International Brotherhood of Minions & Henchpeople: Benevolent & Evil recognizes that too many of our fellow workers have fallen from unnecessary exposure to dangerous chemicals, air duct cleaning, liquid hydrogen, mining accidents, tempermental laser guns and ill tempered Lates Calcarifer.
The IUMHBE addresses the needs of both benevolent and evil workers by working with overlords, supervillans and CEOs of major corporations to reduce deadly working conditions.
We Want Your Letters to Dr. Zork!
Free Advice From a Real Overlord
The IUMHBE is proud to feature Dear Dr. Zork, your source for advice from a real, up-and-coming Overlord. While Dr. Zork is focused on, "the evil overthrow of all nations, with a goal of controlling a utopian society filled with morally-challenged, Nordic bikini models with a penchant for burly men," he has promised to do his best to offer a fair and balanced approach to responding to questions from both sides of the aisle (both benevolent and evil).
Skip this junk and go to the letters...
About Dr. Zork:
- Graduated top of his class from Switzerland's Übel Universität with a double degree in civil and electronic engineering
- Received his Doctorate from Brazil's Má Faculdade (distance learning), being recognized as Pseudo Cum Laude
- Dr. Zork requests that you ask no personal questions - especially not ones about Lindsay and why she got the dog and he didn't.
- Only one question per month will be published...probably with his reply.
To ask Dr. Zork a question, write to firstname.lastname@example.org. Do not expect a direct reply. Do not bother Dr. Zork by asking if, or when, he might chose to respond to your miserable letter. IUMHBE members will be given priority. If you are a IUMHBE member, include your member number. Feel free to include a photo as well, if you want to take the blame for asking whatever it is you're asking.
The 48 Laws of Power!
The 48 Laws of Power is a book by Robert Greene. In it, he explores the writings of the world's most influential political thinkers (like Niccolò Machiavelli and Sun Tsu) to come up with the 48 Laws of Power:
Never outshine the master.
Never put too much trust in friends; learn how to use enemies.
Conceal your intentions.
Always say less than necessary.
So much depends on reputation. Guard it with your life.
Court attention at all costs.
Get others to do the work for you, but always take the credit.
Make other people come to you; use bait if necessary.
Win through your actions, never through argument.
Infection: avoid the unhappy and unlucky.
Learn to keep people dependent on you.
Use selective honesty and generosity to disarm your victim.
When asking for help, appeal to people's self-interests, never to their mercy or gratitude.
Pose as a friend, work as a spy.
Crush your enemy totally.
Use absence to increase respect and honor.
Keep others in suspended terror: cultivate an air of unpredictability.
Do not build fortresses to protect yourself. Isolation is dangerous.
Know who you're dealing with; do not offend the wrong person.
Do not commit to anyone.
Play a sucker to catch a sucker: play dumber than your mark.
Use the surrender tactic: transform weakness into power.
Concentrate your forces.
Play the perfect courtier.
Keep your hands clean.
Play on people's need to believe to create a cultlike following.
Enter action with boldness.
Plan all the way to the end.
Make your accomplishments seem effortless.
Control the options: get others to play with the cards you deal.
Play to people's fantasies.
Discover each man's thumbscrew.
Be royal in your fashion: act like a king to be treated like one.
Master the art of timing.
Disdain things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best revenge.
Create compelling spectacles
Think as you like but behave like others.
Stir up waters to catch fish.
Despise the free lunch.
Avoid stepping into a great man's shoes.
Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter.
Work on the hearts and minds of others.
Disarm and infuriate with the mirror effect.
Preach the need for change, but never reform too much at once.
Never appear perfect.
Do not go past the mark you aimed for; in victory, learn when to stop.
You Know You Want to Join! The International Union of Minions and Henchpeople: Benevolent and Evil
At last count, there were more than 2,183 individual programs attempting world domination. While some wish to achieve a hellish rule, enslaving the earth and stripping it of its treasures, other programs are operating for world peace through cooperation.
The backbones of these organizations are the men and women who aren't afraid to roll up their sleeves and make things happen. The IUMHBE is not here to pass judgement - Benevolent or Evil- we don't care! We're here to present a united front with safer working conditions. We work with burgeoning dictators, supervillans, overlords and other such leaders to help ensure that you're safer then ever before!
The IUMHBE has dramatically improved my life; Now, I'm .7% less likely to die of massive radiation exposure and 1.2% less likely to be eaten by piranha."
It was boring working at our Overlord's nuclear weapons facility in the middle of the Pacific. Your site and your newsletter saved me- I'm so happy to be an IUMHBE member
Address: Minion Union
P.O. Box 572 Hudson, Ohio 44236